If You Were For Me

I sleep till 11am, give or take.
And I eat too much chocolate and spend too much money.
I have 2000 unread emails and stacks of unopened mail.
I let dishes pile up epically and take forever to get ready.
I lose things - often - and procrastinate endlessly.
And  if you were with me, then every few days
your home would appear as though your closets had exploded
or it had been hit by a tornado.
But oh, I'd love you fully!
I love completely and unabashedly and my heart is always wide open on my sleeve.
I start the mornings with a smile and end the days warmly and with gratitude.
You would be met at the door with youthful excitement and a knock-you-over hug
And a blow-your-mind kiss.
I listen attentively and appreciate openly
And offer insights with care and respect for your choices, with perceptions honed over lifetimes.
My devotion is unwavering and my loyalty constant.
And I'll talk your ears off forever but it will always be truth.
I'll make you laugh daily, when I intend to and when I don't.
And I laugh easily too, and will let you amuse me.
I'll blow your mind in other places as well,
The sheets will stay warm and your advances be welcome.
My enthusiasm there comes with passionate connection,
And my pillow talk? The stuff dreams are made of...
My meatloaf and apple pies will prove I'm midwestern at the roots
And I'll balance them out with vegetables you've never heard of in quantities not to be believed,
Not just because I'm a health nut, but because I want you to live forever,
And I'll feed you as a way to love you.
And then you won't mind doing the dishes.
I'll approach creating our lives together as an art form, with consciousness and care,
With imagination and colors and a sense of possibility and childlike wonder -
Plus wisdom and spirit and divine intuition.
I will see you and hear you and notice daily snapshot moments
  that make it impossible to take you for granted.
I won't be able to help but express openly how you make me feel,
And when that's warm and fuzzy and happy,
And I quite literally glow,
I will quite eagerly wrap that glow around you and let it wash over us.
If you were for me, you would never need to doubt my adoration or affections.
I would love you enough to make the mess of me worth it.
I would love you enough to make the mess of you feel irrelevant.
I will love you.
I will LOVE.
I will.

~SKK

Release

Wow - sometimes all it takes is the painful and complete letting go we've been avoiding of just one thing in order for universal abundance to come quite literally POURING in. And why were we gripping so tightly anyway? Did we not trust that the waves of life's ocean would be powerful enough to quickly and forcefully carry our burdens away from us and to other lands where they belong the moment we open our grasp? As impossible to believe as it may sound, the decision can be made in an instant: We release the weight and are carried back up and into the flowing current of life.

A Necessary Ending

It's over, it's done. There is no more to say.
I never believed it would turn out this way -
That our destined hello was somehow bound for goodbye.
That our love would be rocky and end in a sigh
Of relief, of regret, and of hopes releasing
And of grief, and of fears we're no longer appeasing
With trial after trial or a promise of change,
With repetition of patterns both familiar and strange.
Instead we step off the wheel as two mice blessed with vision
Of a future of suffering, stuck in our own indecision.
And we stand in the stillness, our dizzy brains both still swirling,
Our feet itch to jump back on the wheel still a'twirling...
But we wait, and we breathe, and we feel the abyss
Of our doubt, and our need - for the peace, for the bliss
That this torturous decision must be bound to create
In the space split wide open for our lives that await.
And yet together we'll be, bound by history and will,
And the quiet, deep knowing that I love you so, still.

~Sara Kinney Kavanagh

Remedy for Everything

Are you hurting, Heaven?
Are you sad, scared, confined, confused?
Are you lonely, Lovely?
Are you despondent, despairing, battered and bruised?
Would that I could wash it away with Love,
Fill you up with Love, pour in the cracks with Love.
Wipe clean the slate with Love.
Flip your day with Love, sail you away with Love,
And Love and Love and Love you up with Love,
Until you are naught but One with Love.
And are you angry, Angel?
Are you bullied, betrayed, fed-up frustrated?
Are you in shadow, Starshine?
And overwhelmed, over-used, tired and tearful?
I'll fold you inside out with Love,
Sweeten the pot with Love, reverse the poles with Love.
Reshape the clay with Love.
I'll kiss your lips and leave the taste of Love.
From up above I'll Love and from below I'll Love.
And into every cell will I pour and flow the Love,
Until your heavenly body is alive with Love.
And aligned with Love we will Love, my Love,
And fulfill Love's destiny: to Love.

To New York City...

A brief word to New York: I love you more with every breath. My Earth roots may belong to the fields of Ohio, my inner hippie to the sunshine beaches of Honduras and California, my bliss memories to the mountains of Northern Michigan and Switzerland, but my heart, my spirit, my soul: New York, you awaken it with every pulsation, every flashing light and artistic genius gust of breeze...

~SKK

Dancing Divine

Divine Goddess, how you dance here,
How you twirl and leap and sing!
How your skirts swirl round like sacred winds
And float your heart upon their wings!
How your laughter trills in the wind-chimes,
How your love pours in the rain.
How your face reflects in light-filled eyes
That welcome joys and peace and pain.
How you understand the rhythms
Of the seasons as they shift;
How you find calm in blazing sunshine
And know the ice storm as a gift.
How you read magic in the ripples
Of the waters mostly still,
And commune in wondrous union
With the Earth your bare toes till.
How you offer up your gypsy song
With grateful reverence and delight
To the alter of the Heavens
For the stars that grace the night!
How you bless me with reminder
Of your presence in my soul,
And wink and flirt with every inner voice
That's forgotten I am whole.
And you seal in me the knowledge
Of every secret of the Mother,
And lift the veil of my Illusion
Between God and self and other.
You ignite my breath and cells and smile
With your sparkling scented fire,
And reawaken my birth-song calling:
To fulfill your sweet desire.

~Sara Kinney Kavanagh

Conclusion

I am fully at peace with this outcome.
With this welcome relief of the madness.
Not a thing from you now is still needed
As a cushion or aid to the sadness.
Not a phone call or tear or a shoulder or sigh
Or a promise of hope that we both know's a lie.
Not a moment, a glance, nor a half-hearted phrase,
Nor a quiet but meaningful lingering gaze.
Not a "wish things were different," not a "timing's the issue,"
Not an "I'm sorry," even, Jesus Christ how I wish you'd
Acknowledge the loss! Let me see that you're grieving -
Show me this really was LOVE as you're leaving!
But if you can't, no worries, didn't mean to be trouble
With my longing for one moment over the rubble
To connect one last time, to confirm it was real,
Before we both walk away and pretend not to feel.
So then, my mistake, truly, to infringe on your time
With my expired devotions and silly heartbreak in rhyme.
You're so right, let's agree, Friend,
Binding ties are untwisted.
Let's walk away as though
None of it ever


~Sara Kinney Kavanagh

Confrontation

"To those pesky aspects of my life that have become unmanageable, no longer serve me, or deter me from the path to my bliss: I see you, and to you I say "no more." If you need to be fixed I will fix you. If you need an overhaul, it's coming. If you hide in dark corners with my fears or seek to confuse me with whispered nay-saying from the shadows, I will lovingly but forcefully fly open all the windows and let you be played upon by the light of day and the breezes of transformation. No more excuses. No more negotiations. No more staring, ambivalent and immobilized, at apparent forks in the road that do nothing but halt forward progress. No more settling. No more waiting. No more walls." ~SKK

Soon

One of these days will pass
 And I won't think about you.
One day soon will not be consumed by
  your absence, your presence.
I will hear a song not written for us.
  See bodies dance and  not be carried to your arms.
I will pull the covers around me without the memory
  of your breath on my neck.
  Your inhale of my hair.
  Your kiss behind my ear.
I will awaken and open my eyes without the hope of meeting yours.
The silence will not be deafening.
I will walk the streets without your shadow beside me,
And view my city as if not through your far-away eyes.
One day I will exhale and this sense of waiting -
  for your name on my phone,
  your knock at my door,
  will be released.
Will I feel it -
The moment you float from my opened cells and ascend to the ethers?
Will I be lighter?
Free to bask in the bliss I once knew before I knew the bliss of you?
Or will half of me have flown on the breeze,
  following the one with whom I belong,
  leaving me unsteady, wild-eyed, half-empty, half-lost...
Time will tell, it remains to be seen.
As does the first hour that will pass, soon,
  without my heart's constant prayer to the Heavens.
It beats, repeating:
  your name - your name -
Your name.

-Sara Kinney Kavanagh

On Boundaries

"Yes, most of the time, I believe it best to choose love, generosity, and peace in the midst of a trying situation. But, once in a blue moon, it's also important to become aware that a situation is causing you true harm, that you are being taken advantage of without gratitude, and become firm in your resolve, that THIS. WILL. NEVER. HAPPEN. TO. ME. AGAIN. And then, SOMEHOW, find a way to mean it." ~SKK

capacity to love...

"I care far more about my capacity to love than my ability to think. At the end of my days, to hear 'She lived her life with thought' would ring of no meaning to me. But to be credited with a life of LOVE? It would be my greatest honor, my opus, my life as breathing masterpiece." ~SKK

Today's Mission

"Today's mission: think less. BE more."

-Sara Kinney Kavanagh

The Tragedy of Options

And just what would make up this ideal life:
Am I artist or actor or lover or wife?
Am I wizard or pagan, treehugger or sprite,
Do I jump in mudpuddles? Do I stay up all night?
Am I committed and steady?
Am I hard to pin down?
A well-read homebody
Or glam gal-about-town?
Am I cultured and traveled
Or just flighty and gay?
A feisty go-getter,
Or do I waste days away?
Do I live in the city,
Or by a lake, in a wood?
Am I deeply religious,
Or more charming than good?
Is there a man in my life?
Do I prefer to run free?
Are there children or horses
Depending on me?
Am I humanitarian
Or wealthy consumer?
Do I get by on my wits
Or my looks or my humor?
Do I run my own business?
Am I a stay-at-home mother?
Am I firmly committed,
Or a casual lover?
Am I saving the world-
Or just saving myself?
Do I own my own home?
Is there anything else?
Does it matter at all?
Do I have to define?
Must I plan, must I choose?
Can each life here be mine?
If I'm healthy, and happy,
If I have food to eat
Does it have to be planned
In a row, nice and neat?
And if a path is fulfilling
And my bliss is my measure-
Then the fear of lost lives
Shall not hinder my pleasure.

~Sara Kinney Kavanagh

Here Goes Something...

A little experiment to both share my writing with a small but ideally devoted group of supporters, and also to hopefully create a more stable and consistent writing routine for myself. Some of the writings will be samplings and snippets, some simply quotes, some completions, of both fiction and memoir documentations, as well as poetry, but all will be original. Thank you for reading and if you enjoy, following, commenting, visiting often, sharing. I appreciate your support and the honor of sharing with you. ~SKK